I attended my first "function" this evening since I have come back to the city. I have spent the last four days in my house, with the kids I nanny, and have only gone to do things by myself. I considered it my "resting time" after kamp. Tonight though, some girls from our church got together for a girl's night! Girl's nights are always a fun thing, involving food, games, and chatting with the people I want to most intentionally know. Thankfully, God has not placed me in a bubble where girls night includes atypical "girly" things, like spa treatments, cucumber eyes, and other sorts of pampering. If you know me, I don't really know how to pamper myself, and would rather just chat and play games. All of this to say, tonight was an interesting night for sure!
In explanation....
I feel like most people would put a check next to the box that includes words like loud, outgoing, outspoken, and funny(in the "she doesn't really think about the things she says" kind-of way.), if they were asked to describe me by choosing words from a given list. I am these things...usually. I really crave those small group settings though, and one-on-one time where I get to know people and hear their heart. I love these times! I want people to know me, and I want to know them! I want our friendship to be used for His glory! By no way am I saying that in large group settings intentional conversations cannot happen, bringing him glory...but I am trying to say that I feel like I cannot have the conversations I want to have, comfortably, in group settings where my mind is wondering, "what is he laughing about?!", "what are they doing?", and all of the other things my mind bounces to. <<largest run-on ever
In more explanation...
Most people here in the city I have not seen, or talked to in three months! These people were part of my daily life in the spring. I knew how they were doing on a deeper than surface level. If that wasn't the case, I was getting to know them and they were someone that I hung out with regularly. Then summer...three months!
Even more...
A handful of these girls were at the girls night tonight. I was really excited to be seeing them! I walked into my friends home who was hosting, and my mind started hurting in no less than three minutes. I didn't know what to do. There were so many things that I wanted to talk to each girl about! I wanted to sit in the corner with each of them and pry their minds on the three months of their lives I had missed. I began to feel very overwhelmed. I wanted to ask each girl a different question. I wanted to give each of them my attention. I wanted to act like the bubbly person I am, but sometimes think that my kamp person and home person are different. Kamp=krazy! Home=less-er krazy! I wanted to do this and that. I really didn't know how to feel, how to act, or what to say. I am feeling my mind go crazy even now, just thinking about this evening.
It turned out to be a very pleasant evening, obviously, filled with food, a game that I did not like(and not just because I was bad), and a Chiefs game. It was a fun girls night. I am thankful for the girls. I just have come to think about how this small setting made my mind go crazy, and tomorrow I am actually going to church for the first time. Oh my! I love my church. I love the people that make up the church body at The Cause. I just am nervous for...I will see so many people, the ones I have not seen in three months. I want to catch up. There are just so many places to start, and talk about, and figure out, and learn. I want to answer the question that begins every conversation, "HOW WAS KAMP?"...but where do I start, and how much do they really want to hear?!
My mind has been at ease since I arrived at home, making lists of what I can do to make sure I am being intentional with every friendship that I am needing to catch up on. Pray that I follow through with these things! Please?! My life is back in full swing this week, with school, Starbucks, church, nannying, and my other various commitments. I want the Lord's hand to be leading each step I am taking, and sometimes think I try to take control when I think everything has to be done at once.
I am so excited for what the Lord has after returning home from kamp. I can't see all that He has planned, nor should I need to, but am expectant, and excited for this year. He has blessed me immensely. I miss kamp life, but am grateful for what KC has to offer.
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